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Author: Minna Adlan
*warning discussion of suicide
Do you ever look at yourself and wonder, “when will I ever get back on my feet?” The helpless feeling of getting rid of all the pain, stress, and anxiety. Sometimes you even wish that you weren’t present at the moment.
Well, you are not alone.
Mental health is one of the biggest issues our world faces today. It affects people as young as 7 years old. Mental health affects everyone, and many times it's a lifelong battle. According to WHO's latest estimates, published in “Suicide worldwide in 2019”: “Every year, more people die as a result of suicide than HIV, malaria or breast cancer or war, and homicide. Suicide occurs throughout the lifespan and was the fourth leading cause of death among 15-29 year-olds globally in 2019”
This is why we are working on providing you with a series of tips and advice to assist you in your everyday life to learn to love and heal yourself and help others too! Today we will be discussing self-acceptance, its importance, and how to engage in it.
According to the National Library of Medicine, United States, self-acceptance is defined as “an individual’s acceptance of all of his/her attributes, positive or negative”
There are many reasons people may lack self-acceptance - a widely known theory is growing up in an environment where there was a lack of empathy. Later on in life, you may feel the need to achieve success and accomplish many things (whether it be in your job, academics, family, etc) to get external validation and satisfy low self-esteem. and it’s an ongoing cycle! Because no matter what you do or how well you do things or accomplish them, you will still feel the need to ‘achieve’ more.
Self-acceptance, or lack of it, can significantly affect your physical and psychological health, which is why it is a crucial step to dive into when taking care of your mental health.
According to Dr. Srini Pillay, MD, in the Harvard Health Publishing, “poor self-acceptance may disrupt emotional control in two ways: directly, by disrupting the brain regions that control it, and also indirectly, by increasing stress signals in your brain that subsequently disrupt these regions”
Without self-acceptance, your psychological well-being can deteriorate, and as Dr. Sini mentions, “beneficial interventions are less helpful for you than for others with higher self-acceptance. For example, practicing mindfulness can help many people reduce the impact of stress. But when you cannot accept yourself, it becomes less effective.”
It becomes apparent that self-acceptance is an open door to healing, but once that door is locked, how can one expect to proceed with the healing process when they do not accept and validate themselves for the way they are.
You are human, and humans are ‘perfectly imperfect’; beating yourself up about your mistakes, your insecurities, or simply YOU, is not healthy, and here’s how you can change that!
According to Dr. Srini, there are 3 ways to bolster self-acceptance:
- Self-regulation
- Self-awareness
- Self-transcendence
Self-regulation entails focusing on your positive qualities, suppressing unpleasant feelings like self-hatred, and reshaping negative situations so that you perceive the opportunities they present.
However, Dr. Srini mentions the problem with this technique is that the lack of self-acceptance itself can be deeply unconscious. It can be beyond our conscious control, and negative automatic thoughts can persist internally. It can actually be similar to a leaking bucket, except this time, you don’t know where it’s leaking from. Dr. Srini also states, “when you do not accept or forgive yourself, ‘you’ are still split from “yourself” — you do not feel “together.” Both of these parts — the one that needs to forgive, and the one that needs to be forgiven — are at odds with each other. In this situation, self-transcendence can be helpful”
When someone is ‘self-transcendent’, it indicates that they rely less on things externally to define them. Instead, they have a healthy, natural, and unforced sense of connection with the world.
Do not measure your value based on your ‘achievements’ across different parts of your life. You are worth more than a piece of paper, a trophy, or… so give yourself some love and be proud of yourself for doing your best every day despite how hard it’s been. And remember, everybody has a different personalized journey, so don’t compare yourself to others. Sure, some people may be able to heal themselves in a short amount of time and are back on track with their life, and for some, it can be longer. Either way, the only person you should be comparing yourself with, is you. This is where you will see the progress compared to where you were a day, week, month, or a year ago.
Keep in mind that this article or any article in the series does not replace any actual professional psychological help. If you are struggling and require assistance, please contact your medical providers for any concerns.
You can seek help here:
If you are struggling with suicide, whether active or passive, seek help immediately. You can check out Global Suicide Hotlines in the link attached below:
If your country is not mentioned, please contact the local emergency services
